insomnia.

i don't know why i sleep so late.
i drift into a suspended state.
sometimes i dream about .
my speech is incomprehensible.

my feelings. my code. locked away from you.

temptation struck me today.
as if just coming from a party.
fantastic.
la grande seduction.
in the one place you would never expect.
why must i be tormented like this.

time goes by.
i am in control?
but every time i pretend - perpendicular absence.
it kills me each and every time.
not to be able to have the feeling.
closeness. togetherness.
like the AK that I know
their bullets pierce through.
without the presence - there's something missing
time's running out.
i'm moving too slow.

i thought about pp today.
had something indestructible in my hands.
went over the scenario
and i went over the game plan.

hopefully. it'll all go well.

contemptuous,
-jml